San Antonio bound...maybe? (originally posted 6/14/2009)

A couple of weeks ago, we were turned down by Dallas for the experimental chemo treatments. The next day, as it turned out, Mom got a call from CTRC in San Antonio.

Her oncologist had talked to us previously about CTRC. He likes the hospital, says they are doing some really good work with cancer treatments. They wanted Mom to come down so that they could see if she is a candidate for any of their studies.

Mom and Dad went down there last week. Some of yall got to see her and spend time with her, which I know she enjoyed. The doctors there think that she may be a candidate for not one, but two different studies. They are submitting her for both, and we will see what comes back. Hopefully, we will find out within the next couple of weeks. The doctors were very optimistic. They said that the next round of treatments begins at the end of the month, so they would like to get her in on this round.

Currently, she has been off any sort of chemo at all for over 2 months. While that seems like under-treatment, and truly is, the meds just make her so sick. She took chemo for about 3 months, and was in the hospital twice, and the whole time we were afraid we were about to put her back in the hopsital AGAIN at any moment! As Mom so eloquently puts it, "My body just doesn't seem to like having cancer."

I am taking the day off work tomorrow to go to the oncologist with her. We are going to discuss some things that I have discovered through (a lot of) reseach on my part, including diet, exercise, vitamins, and the possibilty of going to MD Anderson in Houston if San Antonio doesn't work out. She is fairly opposed to the idea of Houston, but, having lived there for 4 years, I can help with that. The really big issue would be where to stay. Anderson has a hotel attached to the hospital by a skybridge, but it's pretty expensive. There are other hotels around, but then the issue is getting to the hospital. Plus, then we have the issue of getting her to Houston in the first place.

Getting to the city of treatment is an issue anyway. Dad can take off work, but only so often. I am the same way. I have a much easier time of picking up than dropping off, even within Fort Worth, because we are a one-income family, and I have no paid time off. If I don't work, I don't get paid, end of story. Pete is studying for the bar exam, and has his own mountain of issues to deal with right now, including finding a job, poor guy. Plus supporting me through this whole ordeal. He has truly been a huge blessing in my life, and I haven't thanked him enough for it. Granny and PawPaw can take Mom, but they also have things to do, and when Mom was trying to explain the schedules for the treatments, PawPaw said, "well, we can do these days, but we'll have to think about the others." They don't quite get that with experimental treatments, you have to run on their schedule, or you aren't in the program.

Please continue to pray for us. Today, during the sermon, I finally got the sense of peace that I have been without for the whole time. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it will all work out. Hopefully, God will just wave His hand and she will be healed. However, I can finally see Him working in all this. Up till now, I've been very angry and hurt. Why MY Mom? What did she ever do? What did I ever do? Today, somehow, He finally revealed to me and my thick head that it's not about ME, or HER. It's all about HIM. He will be glorified. He will comfort all of us, including Mom, through all this. Right now, He is carrying us all, because when I look backwards over the last six months (good lord, it feels like ten years) I can only see the one set of footprints, and they are way too big and firm to be mine. On my iPod, I have a song that I had forgotten about - the chorus says "Sometimes he calms the storm/With a whisper "peace, be still"/He can settle any sea/But it doesn't mean He will/Sometimes He holds us close/And lets the wind and waves go wild/Sometimes He calms the storm/Other times He calms his Child." When that came on yesterday, I just hit the ground. We are continuing to struggle with all this, but we have the Hope that regardless of the outcome of this battle Mom is facing, we will all be together forever.

As always, please send this to anyone whom I may have inadvertently forgotten!