On the Downhill Slope

Things have changed dramatically since Friday.

Mom is having trouble remembering her nouns, including names, places, etc.  She kept asking for her pickles tonight, and really meant her eyeglasses.  She also told Hailey that she wanted applesauce, then when Hailey questioned her, she kissed Hay on the cheek and said "Applesauce!  That's what I wanted!!"  So now my sister and I may have a sweet inside joke.

For the woman who can talk paint off the walls, she can't even put a coherent sentence together.  Or, if she can do one, she can't say more than 2 or 3.  We are having to have REALLY short conversations.

I don't think she's in pain.  I think she is making perfect sense to herself.  I know that in the very end-stage of cancer, the brain gets all confused on nouns.

Yes, I did just say the very end-stage.  Without a miracle, I think we are there.

Strangely, I think we are all at peace about this.  Obviously, I don't want my mom to die.  I love her so much.  But quite frankly, and anyone who has seen her since Staurday can verify this, she is not the woman who raised me.  This is NOT my mom.  I mean, it is obviously her body.  But this, this shriveled little lady who can't make a complete coherent thought or take a bath without freaking out (scared the home health aide to death I think!!), this is not mom.

I'm not happy at the idea of her leaving us.  Please don't misunderstand me.  There have been more tears shed in the last month than in the last 2 years.  I am completely devastated, as we all are.

But there is a certain peace that has flowed through all of us.  It truly is the Peace That Passes Understanding.  Because there is no logical reason that we should have peace right now.  God is showing me how much He defies logic.

So many people right now are asking us what they can do.  Frankly, here is a list.

1. If you are not a Christian, please, talk to someone.  A pastor, a friend, heck, email me.  While I would NEVER wish this experience on ANYONE, my faith has not been shaken once, it has actually held firm and grown through this.  If you are a Christian, it is my deepest hope that you will take a cue from Mom, and tell others.  I have been challenged by my mother's actions, that if she can witness to someone on her deathbed, how much more can I do?

2. Do anything and everything you can to avoid cancer.  Wear sunscreen.  Buy organic when possible and not outrageously more expensive.  Make your household cleaners, or use the "earth friendly" ones.  I am by no means a tree-hugger or jumping on the global warming bandwagon (I have too much of a science background to believe 99% of that stuff) but the truth is, we consume SO MANY chemicals every single day that we don't think about, and we don't know what all the long term effects are.  Lose weight if you need to.  In my family, cancer is extremely prevalent.  My generation (Hailey, Eric, and myself) are the ONLY generation not yet affected by cancer - on BOTH SIDES.  We have vowed to to everything possible, within reason, to avoid having to put our families through this in 30 years.  Gosh, in my case, only 20.

3. Pray for us.  I have repeatedly asked for prayer.  I know so many of you are praying for our family, and I appreciate it.  We can feel it.  God is giving us strength and peace.  We will need much prayer in the days to come, because without divine intervention, and FAST, I simply don't see how Mom will make it very many more days.

So, there you have it.  My wish list of things that everyone can do to help us.  Maybe it seems simple, and it is, but if everyone who reads this will do these things, we will see a huge change, not only in ourselves, but in our families, our workplaces, and just in our lives in general.