Update

We made it home. Thank you American Airlines for accommodating us so quickly. We landed in DFW at 8:20 am, after possibly the longest night of my life.

I have been at the hospital since about 9:20 this morning. Let me just explain how we got here.

Dr Ruxer, the oncologist, came in yesterday and told Mom and Dad that the mass around her small intestines is tumor, not infection. This tumor is crushing the small intestines, and absorbing all the nutrients. This is why, no matter how much she eats and drinks, she is dehydrated and loses weight. It's simply feeding the tumor.

The tumors being this advanced, we are out of options. She is in palliative care at the hospital, with a possibility of being transferred to hospice. Maybe at home, maybe at a facility. I have a feeling God will make that choice for us. We are merely trying to keep her comfortable. Rather than 3-6 months, we were told that she has days to weeks, most likely just a few days. She WILL NOT starve to death, the tumors will just make her body shut down one system at a time. It will be very painful for her.

I spoke to Dad last night after spending the day at the Magic Kingdom. When he told me the news, Pete and I felt we had no choice but to come home. Actually, Pete made that decision all by himself. I was frankly in no shape to make any decision bigger than placing one foot in front of the other.

I'm really glad we are here. The 2 days we had of vacation were wonderful, and I actually don't regret going. We needed it. We are going to need it more after the next week or so.

I had the chance to sit with Mom for a long time today, and just talk. Lots of people are stopping by the hospital, so we're getting a lot of opportunities to reminisce. Lots of tears, on all parts.

Mom is OK with this. Remember, she gets the good part. Yes, she has to suffer for now, but she gets the good stuff pretty quickly. We are the ones who will have to suffer for the rest of our lives without her. She told me a few weeks ago that she was ready.

Last night, while Pete and I were frantically trying to get home, Mom was given the opportunity to witness to one of her very dear friends. She has been trying to witness to this lady for about 12 years, with no success. Last night, Regina became a Christian. Regina, if you are reading this, please know that I am SO PROUD of you for this decision.

I feel like this was maybe the "last thing" Mom was supposed to do before she goes.

Mom is in pretty good spirits. She's OK with crying, just not hysterics. Most of us aren't hysteric-prone anyway.

The rest of this week is REALLY going to stink though. For one of the first times in my life, I am praying that God will just slow down the clock, let me get one more conversation, one more hug or kiss, one more chance to tell her how much I love her.

Maybe one day the hole that is in my chest will heal, but for now it feels pretty much like a permanent fixture. I'm tired of crying and hurting all the time. I have no choice though. The tears just keep coming, and the hole just keeps throbbing.

I know that I ask this every time, but please continue to pray for us. My grandparents are dying of grief over their baby girl. My daddy is losing his soul mate. My uncle is losing his big sister. Eric, Hay, and I are losing our mommy. Pete adores my mom, and so does Robert (Hay's BF). I think Pete has cried as much as I have.

Through it, we have a peace that she's going to be OK, that this IS part of God's Perfect Will. It's us that we're worried about.

It

It is really bad. Pete and I are coming home. They say it will be days, not months. Pray for us.

Yanking the Rug Out

This is the hardest post for me to write yet.

Mom and Dad got back from SA yesterday, but she has been in unbearable pain. To the point of yelling out loud "ow ow ow!!!"

Dad took her to the ER in Fort Worth last night, after they had been home about 6 hours. They moved her to a different hospital becuase her surgeon could get her in this morning at the second one.

The decided to open Mom up to pinpoint the cause of her constant unending pain.

Her cancer has completely spread. It is covering nearly every single inch of her abdomen. There is a total of about 40 cm (just over 14 inches) of unaffected colon. She had a previous rupture of her intestine (I think) which had healed over. However, the rupture had let all the yuck out into her body. There was pus everywhere, and her intestines have become all matted together. They are completely blocked.

The doctors got her all cleaned up, but the prognosis is not good. She is in ICU for several days, and they will try to start weaning her off the ventilator. She now has a TPN for nutrition, she cannot eat solid food, except maybe yogurt or thin mashed potatoes. There is also a vent in her stomach to let out the pressure. Not a colostomy, just a vent. Mom has been very adamant about not having a colostomy bag.

Dad was given 2 options. The first was the colostomy bag. The second was the one he went with, the TPN port and pressure vent. Mom specifically doesn't want any crazy extreme measures taken to extend her life. She merely wants to be kept comfortable.

The doctors told us we have 3-6 months.

Not nearly enough time.

Currently, she is still unconscious, and will be for the next few days. Dad is meeting with a hospice nurse on Tuesday so that they can discuss setting everything up at their house if possible, rather than putting her in a facility.

I know I'm keeping this pretty clinical, but I hope everyone can understand that.

We are choosing to keep our vacation plans. My parents told us to. Frankly, I need a break, emotionally, to be able to make it through all of this. I know that the worst is yet to come. If things go downhill, I will be on the first plane out of Orlando. But right now, Pete and I both need this.

Pray for my Dad. He is so fragile right now. Mom means everything to him. I never imagined I would have to sit there and hold his hand while the surgeon told him that his wife will die, and soon. Please just pray that Mom won't be in pain.

I will obviously NOT be updating this week, but I will post again after we return.

Teach Me to Open My Big Mouth

So, apparently I spoke too soon.

Mom and Dad went back to SA yesterday for her blood test. Dad said she was complaining about hurting the whole time they were in the car. He kinda figured it was because a 5-hour car ride isn't the most comfortable thing in the world. But Mom was still complaining last night at midnight, and they got there well before dinner time.

Dad called CTRC emergency line, and they told him to bring her in to Christus Santa Rosa's ER. He did, and they waited for about 12 hours before she got a room. He said that they were well taken care of, the hospital just didn't want to assign her a room until they knew more of what the issue was.

Apparently, she has a perforation in her colon. At this point, the doctors do not believe it will require surgery, they caught it early enough. For now, the idea is that she will be in Christus Santa Rosa recieving IV's with potassium, antibiotics, and something else that will help to fix the issue. Mom told me she thinks they will get to come home Thursday.

Right now, we don't know what is the cause of the perforation. Is it the treatment? Which one? Is this something we will have to deal with regularly? Lots of questions right now.

It's pretty unnerving for me to have this happen this week. I know, it's not all about me. Mom would SOO rather never have this crap happen. Peter and I will be on vacation next week, though, in Florida. We're going to Disney with our BFF's Mike and Jess, who are moving to Nashville AS SOON as we get back. So this trip is really a big deal for us.

Frankly, after all that has happened this year so far, I NEED a vacation, desperately. I'm not the only one, I know, and I do feel somewhat guilty about leaving and not being here for Dad. However, we've had this trip planned for months. Mike and I tried to start planning it about this time last year as a surprise for Pete and Jess, but we decided around February that they needed to get let in on the fun, since they needed to interview for jobs. At that point, none of us had any idea that a) Mom would have been in the hospital this much, b) Tony (Jess' dad) would be about to undergo surgery for prostate cancer in Chattanooga, c) Mike and Jess would be about to move across the country to be closer to her family since her dad is sick, or d) that Mike would be starting at Vanderbilt the day after we return from the vacation.

Please keep all of us in your prayers. I know Dad can handle it without me, but I kinda take after Mom as being a manager of all things.

Also, keep the Connor family in your prayers. Their mom passed away today from cancer ( I can't remember what kind). I am friends with the daughter, Eric is friends with the son, and Mom has been friends with Bea (the mom, who passed away) since Erin and I were in elementary school.

I've said it before, but I will continue to emphasize...

CANCER SUCKS!!!!!!

Progress!!

THE BAR EXAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, I just had to throw that one out there. I know Pete is the one who has been studying and actually taking the test, but I have been absolutely stressed out over it. But he would always stress over my boards and licensing exams too, so I guess now I know how his side felt. Now, we wait till late October/early November for results.

Mom is doing great!!!

I've been waiting for months to be able to say that!

The treatment she is on at CTRC contains two medications. One is a drug that is known to work with lung cancer to shrink tumors, and one that is an experimental treatment. The first one is a pill that she takes daily, the other is an IV that she recieves every couple of weeks. She started the pills on Monday night, and it was not pretty. She called Dad, crying, saying she just couldn't do it. She was so sick. Dad was really upset, I don't think he slept the whole night. But Tuesday she was fine. Wednesday she was fine. Thursday she was fine. And every day since!!

We have discovered that if she takes the pill at 5:00 am, then goes back to bed for a couple of hours, she does just fine. Yes, she still gets tired easily. Yes, she still has pain. But it is manageable. She just takes naps. But not too long, because then she won't sleep at night. I think the anti-depressants are working for her too.

Dad asked her oncologist a few weeks ago about anti-depressants for Mom because with all the back and forth, yes and no, you're in you're out, it was tearing her up. She simply couldn't handle it. Now, after about a month on them, she is more like her old self.

I have to say, it has been a pleasure talking to Mom this week. She has been more herself this past week than she has in the past 7 months. I'm just enjoying having my Mom back.

Yes, there are some side effects to these medications, which she is concerned about. She will probably get acne again, the deep, cystic kind that you have to have prescriptions for. There is a very high possibility of anorexia, but at this point she is eating more than she has in months! The most serious side effect though, is that her immune system in totally wiped out. In fact, she had to go get her acrylic nails removed because they were growing fungus underneath. She was most unhappy about that one!! There is still the possibility of her losing her hair, but it is farther down on the list of side effects. At least she has a really cute wig! She has been getting her hair cut into that style anyway, just in case it does fall out, so it will be less noticable.

If this is the result we get with Mom on the experimental treatment, I am SOOOOO glad we did it. Even with the craziness we have all gone through over the past few months, I feel like she is where she is supposed to be.

Thank you for all the prayers!!! Please continue them, praying that Mom will continue to do great!

Also, if you do call or text her and she doesn't respond, it's not necessarily that she is sick. She just got a new phone, an iPhone, after how much I have loved mine and Pete has loved his, but she can't figure out how it works. She says she is having "chemo brain." Dad is trying to teach her, but she is having difficulty. So don't take it personally if she doesn't answer or call you back. Right now, she can't figure it out.